Motivation!

I was reading an article online yesterday about a woman who couldn't get pregnant for quite a few years. She said she would always get upset when her friends would complain about morning sickness because she thought, "I'd do anything to have that feeling if it meant I was pregnant!" Well, she did get pregnant and DID get morning sickness, and she said she quickly changed her mind. She said there were days when she even prayed to miscarry so she could end her misery. I haven't reached that point yet - but there are moments I wonder if it will all really be worth it! (Everyone keeps assuring me it will.) 

I did get to the point today where I started Googling "Zofran" and other anti-nausea medications. I did some research via the Hopkins Library, however, and none of these medications have been proven safe or unsafe during pregnancy (they are considered "Category B" drugs, which mean tests on pregnant animals have shown no ill effects, but no conclusive tests have been done on humans). After feeling a little better in the afternoon, I realized I would endure.

I have also gotten to the point where I went out and bought a little jumper to look at to remind me to of the end goal. =) I pull it out of the closet during the day and think "In just 7 1/2 months there will be a little person filling these arms and legs." It helps.  

Dysgeusia (Metallic Taste)

I've had a weird metallic taste in my mouth the past few days. It is a bitter taste and won't go away, even if I drink or eat or brush my teeth. I thought it might have to do with the B6 vitamins I'm taking and Googled it to find out. Turns out that the metallic taste in my mouth (called "dysgeusia") is very common in the first trimester and is due to high hormone levels, in particular, the hormone estrogen. Apparently it lasts throughout the first trimester, then begins to disappear as the pregnancy hormones settle down the second trimester. Interesting! I'm like a case study for 1st trimester pregnancy symptoms. Ha!

Solutions: I read that 1 tsp. of salt in 8 oz. of water, OR 1/4 tsp. baking soda in 8 oz. of water can be used as a mouth rinse several times a day. Drinking/eating citrus foods such as lemon in water or lemon-drops may also help. We'll try them out today!

Nausea still here today. Rough night last night. Tossed and turned quite a bit. Hoping today will go better. I continue to Google images of the embryo growing inside of me to remind me that there is a baby spirit in there - and that all these hormones are helping him or her to grow into a human being! Here is an embryo at 7 Weeks:

Week 7 Photo

End of Week 7

Tomorrow will mark 7 Weeks, 6 days. Each day closer to the end of the first trimester brings me hope that my nausea will begin to lessen and I will get back to a normal life. I still have little to no energy and find it hard to do much other than sit or sleep due to nausea. Kyle and I went on a 1.6 mile walk yesterday to Manoa Falls. It felt good to get out and stretch my legs - even if I had to move in slow motion. My goal is to walk at least 1 mile every day, despite the nausea. I haven't gone for my walk yet today, but my nausea seems to improve slightly in the afternoon/evening, so I'm waiting until then to go.

I've really noticed a difference in my skin the last 2 weeks; I am much more prone to breaking out now. This doesn't really surprise me, however, as I always had breakouts during the week leading up to my period. Since all my hormones are extremely high right now, it makes sense. I've noticed a few other changes physically the past 2 weeks, as well. They are all subtle - but all indicate a normal, healthy level of pregnancy hormones. So no complaining! (Or at least, that's what I keep trying to tell myself.)

This AM I made the mistake of taking ginger and B6 on an empty stomach. Kyle came downstairs this morning to find me in tears due to the severity of my nausea (I still can't throw-up, though!). Kyle got me to eat something and I started feeling a lot better. I'm supposed to be eating fruits and vegetables - but to be honest, bland starchy foods is about all that tastes good right now. I do enjoy apples, but eating vegetables right now sounds terrible! I'm going to try and eat some this afternoon anyways. I also bought some rice cakes and have been eating those with cream cheese on them. So I'm getting the calories down. Taking a good vitamin is really important during the 1st trimester since the amount of nutrient dense foods I'm consuming is limited. Everything I've read states that the baby uses the body's reserves during the trimester anyways, so not to worry too much. That changes, however, in the 2nd and 3rd trimester where nutrition is most important.

Ginger Capsules & Candies

A new experiment: Ginger capsules (325 mg, I believe) and ginger candies (made with corn starch, sugar, and ginger). I'm taking the capsules 3 x daily, as recommended. I started at noon today. And I'm chewing the ginger candies throughout the day. I'm determined to at least minimize the nausea so I can lead a somewhat normal life for the next month! I'll let you know how it goes!

Emotional Breakdowns

Okay, it finally has happened ... the dreaded emotional breakdowns I kept reading about. Up until the last few days, I was feeling pretty good and stable. I was handling everything with a calm, clear mind, putting everything in perspective, and being grateful for all the blessings in my life. But then I started feeling nauseous ALL DAY LONG this past week ... and between the lack of sleep, the mental exhaustion of feeling sick all day, and the increasing hormones that continue to build-up in my body ... I finally broke down and just decided to feel sorry for myself. I got mad at Kyle for keeping me waiting at lunch and started crying. Then, that night, I started crying out of frustration from feeling lousy despite drinking a gallon of stupid ginger tea and eating little bits of food all day. I thought, I'm sick of being pregnant! I'm only having one child myself and adopting the rest! So I laid on the bed and cried for a while until I couldn't breathe through my nose. I decided I'd best compose myself. I started talking to God and my grandparents and eventually calmed down. I almost started crying when Dad called up to ask how I was doing (my response is always "the same"). And I DID cry again this afternoon when Kyle came home and asked how I was doing. He brought me roses, though, which was sweet and made me feel better.

I just get so frustrated, feeling so lousy. I hadn't done dishes in about 3 days (I finally mustered up the strength to do them this evening), I don't enjoy cooking or being in the kitchen at all (so Kyle has pretty much had to fend for himself this week), I don't have the energy to clean the house or do laundry (both of which need to get done) ... Ugh. I can definitely feel the hormones kicking in strong this week. I imagine my body will grow accustomed to them, though, and I won't feel like crying all the time. For now, it is just a day by day, hour by hour thing. But Kyle is a wonderful support - and I am grateful for his being so understanding and helpful. 

Sharing My Body with Another Soul

From time to time, the profundity of what being pregnant truly signifies hits me. Today, while talking with my mother-in-law, we started talking about how tired I was feeling all the time. And she responded, "Well, you are caring another soul inside of you right now. You are sharing your body with that person for the next 9 months! Of course you are tired!" I hadn't really thought of it like that before. I mean, I've always believed that we have a soul, and at some point during pregnancy, a new soul enters the fetus inside the womb. But I'd never really thought about what it means to carry another soul inside of me. What a beautiful thought. 

Week 6 Photo

Nausea, nausea, and more nausea

I foolishly told everyone that I was feeling great with no real signs of pregnancy during Week 5 and the beginning of Week 6. That changed this week. It started out with severe back-ache and stomach cramps - like I was going to start my period. That lasted about 3 days. Then I began having nausea - ALL DAY LONG. I haven't thrown-up yet (knock on wood) - but I do feel absolutely gross most of the day. I feel better when I lay down or sit ... which means I haven't been out to exercise much. I went on a short walk yesterday and today - but it definitely feels like slow motion. I'm trying several things to help with the nausea:

1. Eating smaller meals (crackers, bread, and other bland foods) throughout the day

2. Drinking ginger tea

3. Peppermint candies and teas

I find that all I really want to eat at this point is bland foods. I did make a BLT sandwich for lunch today and managed to eat the entire thing - but it didn't especially taste good going down. This is a hard adjustment for me since I was eating all vegetables and meat just a few weeks ago. I bought some dry crackers, as well as saltines, to keep with me in my purse and by my bed. I am steeping sliced-up ginger root in water and keeping it refrigerated so that I have easy access to ginger water throughout the day. I drank 4 big glasses of this today. It didn't really help the nausea - but I've heard that ginger must build up in the system to really work, so I'm determined to keep drinking it. I figure it can't hurt.

The biggest help so far appears to be the peppermint, though it is only a temporary solution. I bought some peppermint salt-water taffies today and they really soothed my stomach. Unfortunately these are not very healthy for me, and they did not soothe it for that long. But it was a nice relief. I ate a granola bar for dinner and tolerated that well. I also snacked on some home-made beef jerky. My stomach is feeling slightly better this evening - but I'm not sure if it is from eating these foods, or if it simply eases up toward night-time.

Tomorrow I am subbing at the the pre-school from 8:00 until 11:30. I am a little nervous how that will go since today all I had the energy to do was finish my beef jerky then go watch a movie and nap. Tomorrow will be a busy day, but I'm sure I'll make it through it. Being pregnant is quite the experience - and I'm learning I must be flexible with my body!

Week 6

Made it to Week 6! Everything I've read online supports that once the embryo has a viable heartbeat - chances of miscarriage are greatly reduced. The chances of miscarriage are then reduced even further once the embryo reaches the 12 Week mark. Last week marked what should have been our baby's first heartbeat. The heart starts out beating a mere 80 beats per minute, increasing to 140 this week (which it will sustain until birth). 

Some women can actually go in and get an ultra sound during week 6 and hear the beating heart. Trust me, if I could, I probably would. It's a good thing (I think) that I can't get into Tripler Army Hospital until December 14th. I'll be 10 Weeks along by then and the heartbeat should be easy to hear. Plus, the less ultra sounds done - the better. Some women choose not to have any done throughout their pregnancy ... but I know that hearing that viable heartbeat will make me feel a little more relaxed. I still don't have too many symptoms (other than occasional, and slight, nausea - along with some cramping in my abdomen and back) - so it doesn't FEEL like I'm pregnant. I still am having "food aversions" to a small degree. Nothing sounds good to eat and I have to force myself to finish each meal. But other than that, I would have no idea I was pregnant.

Week 6: Nose, mouth, and ears are beginning to take shape. Little buds are starting to protrude where the arms and legs will soon be. Intestines and lungs are in the very first stages of development. This week marks the time when the Y chromosome (if it's a boy) sends out chemical markers that trigger the cells to develop as a male, rather than a female. Brain, muscle, bones, and pituitary gland all continue forming.

A Beating Heart

The 17th will mark the beginning of the 6th week ... which means that the embryo should now have a heartbeat! It is hard for me to grasp that idea since it is so tiny that it is not detectable - even via a doppler or ultrasound. But it is beating away. 

I've always been a very pro-choice person when it comes to women making decisions about pregnancies. And I still am pro-choice. But being pregnant and actually carrying something inside of me (something with a heartbeat!) ... it is quite profound. And an array of thoughts and emotions I've never experienced flood my mind each day. The knowledge that, if all goes well for the next 7 1/2 months, this little "thing" will turn into a son or daughter - it has caused me to become attached at a very early stage. Even though I cannot feel it or see it or hear it (and even though it barely resembles anything human) - I am protective of it and it's potential. It's a wonderful, scary, and intriguing feeling. One I've never had before. 

Five Weeks, 2 Days

It's Official!

Kyle and I went in to the health clinic on base yesterday. They drew my blood and told us to return in an hour for the results. Because I'd already taken 3 home pregnancy tests, I basically knew what the result of the blood test would be - but there is something very final about an "official result" from a doctor's office. 

The doctor's office gave me a bunch of paperwork to fill out and read through. They also gave me the run-down on the list of do's and don'ts with I already knew from nursing school and self-study. I think our country is a little paranoid when it comes to making women stop drinking ALL coffee and ALL alcohol, and to stop eating ANY raw fish ... I still like the "all things in moderation" rule. But I figure better safe than sorry and will probably only have an occasional glass of wine or drink of beer (Christmas, a birthday, etc.). Since I only drink 1 cup of coffee a day anyways, I'm not really getting enough to do any harm. Interestingly enough, though, I'm beginning to lose my taste for it. Green and herbal teas are sounding much better - so I'll probably make the switch and see how it goes. Best to listen to the body ...

Other than the few stomach cramps and occasional back-aches, though, I really don't feel pregnant still. It's a weird thing.

Five Weeks and a Due Date

I haven't been in to see a doctor or midwife yet - so everything I've discovered has been based either on my own knowledge or pregnancy, or website that has pregnancy calculators. After the shock of discovering I was pregnant began to dissipate (ever so slowly ...) I became extremely curious as to what the due date would be and how far along I was. I knew my last menstrual period (LMP) was around October 6th. Which, according to various online calculators, puts me right at 5 weeks. It's a bit confusing how we discuss pregnancies in the United States. When we say "5 weeks" - that actually means your 6th week since your LMP (they count the first week as a "zero") and only 3 weeks since conception. Other countries would consider me to be at 3 weeks. But since we are in the United States and the doctors and midwives count from the LMP, I am currently 5 weeks pregnant. The due date can also be calculated based on LMP. According to the computer's calculations, I am due on July 13th (right around, anyways). I couldn't remember exactly if my LMP was on the 5th or 6th because it was our wedding week and everything got a bit crazy.

The pictures of a fetus at 5 weeks is quite startling. It is beginning to shape itself into a little semi-human-like form (more "semi-" at this point than "human").

Toward the end of this week, the fetus's heart

actually begin to beat. It will start off at around 80 beats per minute, then increase slowly over the next few weeks to 140-160. It already has bones, a nervous system, and muscles. Sometimes early skeletal development is even seen! The placenta and umbilical cord are in the early stages of development as well!

I still have no signs or symptoms of being pregnant, other than a slightly bloated feeling in my abdomen (which could very likely just be in my mind) - and of course that extra little blue line. I re-checked today ... just to be sure. Still there! Time to call a midwife and make an appointment!

It's all in a line ...

I've only taken a pregnancy test once or twice - usually only because I was being paranoid and had symptoms that just might possibly mean I was pregnant. But I'd just pee on the stick, see two straight blue lines (one in each window), heave a sigh of relief ... and usually get my period a day or two late. No big deal.

So this time didn't seem much different that the others. Kyle and I weren't trying to get pregnant, I was still on birth control pills, and I was beginning a new workout regime that was very intense. But this time, no pregnancy symptoms - just a late period. Probably because I've been working out a lot, I told myself. I felt great. If I were pregnant, wouldn't my breasts be tender, my stomach feel nauseous, and my emotions be all over the place? Since I was in Arizona visiting my parents for their surprise 60th birthday party (and because I didn't want to get my mother excited over nothing), I drove down to the grocery store solo, bought some groceries, and threw in the pregnancy test. Maybe at some level, I knew. Maybe my body knew, even though I didn't have any symptoms. I was a little nervous, but I mostly expected to see those two straight lines (one in each window) so I could heave my sigh of relief and get on with the weekend.

Instead, in the bathroom at Weber's IGA in Sedona, AZ - I picked up the stick and saw a faint, light-blue "plus" in the first window. I stared at it for a minute. It looked faint ... but ... no it was definitely there. I think I physically shook my head in disbelief before tossing it in the garbage can. I washed my hands, then tried to dig it back out of the garbage can for confirmation. It had fallen amidst a bunch of paper towels, though, and I couldn't find it. Had that extra blue line really been there? Yes, yes it had. I was pregnant. And the journey began.