Emotional Breakdowns

Okay, it finally has happened ... the dreaded emotional breakdowns I kept reading about. Up until the last few days, I was feeling pretty good and stable. I was handling everything with a calm, clear mind, putting everything in perspective, and being grateful for all the blessings in my life. But then I started feeling nauseous ALL DAY LONG this past week ... and between the lack of sleep, the mental exhaustion of feeling sick all day, and the increasing hormones that continue to build-up in my body ... I finally broke down and just decided to feel sorry for myself. I got mad at Kyle for keeping me waiting at lunch and started crying. Then, that night, I started crying out of frustration from feeling lousy despite drinking a gallon of stupid ginger tea and eating little bits of food all day. I thought, I'm sick of being pregnant! I'm only having one child myself and adopting the rest! So I laid on the bed and cried for a while until I couldn't breathe through my nose. I decided I'd best compose myself. I started talking to God and my grandparents and eventually calmed down. I almost started crying when Dad called up to ask how I was doing (my response is always "the same"). And I DID cry again this afternoon when Kyle came home and asked how I was doing. He brought me roses, though, which was sweet and made me feel better.

I just get so frustrated, feeling so lousy. I hadn't done dishes in about 3 days (I finally mustered up the strength to do them this evening), I don't enjoy cooking or being in the kitchen at all (so Kyle has pretty much had to fend for himself this week), I don't have the energy to clean the house or do laundry (both of which need to get done) ... Ugh. I can definitely feel the hormones kicking in strong this week. I imagine my body will grow accustomed to them, though, and I won't feel like crying all the time. For now, it is just a day by day, hour by hour thing. But Kyle is a wonderful support - and I am grateful for his being so understanding and helpful.