Ugh.

While I am excited at the outcome of being pregnant (a son or daughter) ... the whole "being pregnant" thing is harder than I imagined it to be! I've now had fairly consistent nausea for almost 4 weeks - and while it has lessened some, it is still there, making me feel tired, lethargic, and grumpy. I'm still drinking my ginger tea and taking my B6 - but it gets frustrating. Especially when all the images I had of pregnancy were of a glowing, healthy woman out walking every day, eating fresh vegetables, fruit, fish and other incredibly healthy meals. I'm still optimistic that I will get there in another few weeks. But currently I still have to talk myself into my 1 mile walk - and then it is more of a slow stroll I endure. I'm living off of crackers, bland carbs, and cheese. I try to eat vegetables - but sometimes just the sight of them makes me stomach turn. Oh, the irony.

It's a good wake-up call for me, however. I often like to imagine the "ideal" - and can be quite harsh on myself and others when that ideal falls short. So all in all, it is probably good that God is bringing me a little reality in my life. I will also be way more sympathetic toward other women when they complain of morning sickness, fatigue, etc. Before experiencing it myself, I would have waived it off as needing to have an attitude adjustment. And while I'm fully aware that attitude CAN affect health and physical outcomes - I can now attest that despite trying to have a positive attitude about it all, one can still just feel downright crappy!

I'm still holding onto the belief that my morning sickness will begin to ease during the next week or two (weeks 9 and 10 are supposed to be the "peak" ... and I'm midway through week 9 right now). I am imagining a wonderful honeymoon cruise with Kyle where I am free of morning sickness - with an appetite for all the good food on board!

We have our first official prenatal visit at Tripler this Monday. I am hoping to hear the fetal heartbeat and know that this will remind us of the miracle going on inside of me - even when it doesn't feel so miraculous on the outside!