Appetite is Back!

As of yesterday, my appetite is officially back! I'm very excited by this since I love food and hated not enjoying it for the last 4 weeks. Yesterday I ate a wonderful dinner downtown Honolulu that included a goat-cheese appetizer, peppery pork chops with some sort of cucumber/yogurt sauce, and vegetables. So yummy. And I enjoyed every bite! =)

I'm not sure if my morning sickness is finally lifting or the Unisom is working - but whatever it is, I'm stoked. Just in time to enjoy our honeymoon cruise to Mexico!

10 Weeks & First Prenatal Visit

Kyle and I went to Tripler Army Medical Center yesterday for my first official prenatal visit. It was a little disappointing because we had been hoping to hear the fetal heartbeat. Unfortunately they do not do fetal heartbeat checks at 10 weeks at Tripler, so we didn't get to hear that long-awaited "swishing" sound. Since I get emotional at EVERYTHING these days, I had to hold back my tears of disappointment. But I did get my lab work done and got to pee in another cup - so we did accomplish something. I think a part of me just wants to hear the heartbeat to confirm that this is all real, and that there really is a little kidney-sized baby growing inside of me. It is all so far-removed and surreal, that hearing that heartbeat will make it all more concrete for me. 

What IS concrete, however, is my persistent nausea and (new this week) headaches. The nausea has lessened somewhat since I began taking a half-tablet of Unisom in the evening. Thank goodness. The headaches are bearable and hopefully won't last too long. My understanding is that hormones peak during Weeks 9 and 10, then begin to subside as the placenta takes over that job. So hopefully after this week things will begin to improve. I'm becoming more optimistic as I near the end of my first trimester! I still wear my Sea-bands Kyle bought me - and while I might be imagining it, I think they actually help with the nausea!

This week, Week 10, our little guy or gal is just over one inch long. He/she is kicking his legs and moving his arms - as well as swallowing amniotic fluid. Tiny fingernails and toenails are beginning to form, and peach-fuzz hair is growing on her skin. All the webbing is gone from between the fingers and toes, as well. Most of his vital organs (liver, kidney, brain, etc.) are beginning to function this week as well! Amazingly enough, the little guy will actually respond to poking and prodding at this point, as well!

Vomiting

Up until yesterday I've been surviving my first trimester with mild to severe nausea, depending on the day. But I'd yet to visit the toilet to vomit. Yesterday morning at about 5:00 AM I woke up with the worst nausea I'd had. Thinking I needed to put something in my stomach (this usually helps), I went downstairs and forced down a few raspberries, apple slices, and saltine crackers. They all came back up again in about 10 minutes. Unfortunately  I was standing by the sink at the time and didn't have time to make it to the toilet - so I vomited everything up in the sink (which proceeded to get clogged up). After vomiting I had about 5-10 minutes of absolutely no nausea, as well as a burst of energy. So I cleaned up the sink and headed to bed. About an hour later, more vomiting. This time Kyle woke up and helped by rubbing my back and just helping me not feel so alone. This proceeded throughout the morning until around noon. I began to get worried that I wasn't keeping fluids down. The rule is 24 hours ... if you can't keep anything down for that amount of time, you have to go get fluids at the hospital.

Sometime in the early afternoon I was finally able to keep sips of ginger-ale down, as well as 2 saltine crackers. I kept sipping fluids throughout the afternoon and, despite a few more urges to vomit, kept everything down. The irony is, as much as I hate vomiting (and I HATE vomiting), I almost wanted to in the afternoon because I knew that the misery would be followed by a solid 10 minutes or so of relief. But my desire to stay out of the hospital was stronger, I suppose, and I kept everything down after that.

Yesterday was hard. I finally admitted to myself (after a conversation with my mom) that I just don't enjoy being pregnant. Maybe I will in a week or two - but right now, I just do not enjoy it. I also tried letting go of the guilt that I'm doing something wrong and that's what is making me sick. I know better than that (everything I read says that it has to do with hormones, and that each woman and each pregnancy is different). I also finally broke down and let Kyle buy me some Unisom to take with my B6. It is a sleep aid that can be used for nausea and is given the okay to use during pregnancy. I've been so adamant about not using drugs during pregnancy. But to be honest, I was more than excited to give it a try yesterday afternoon. I felt like I was going to die and simply wanted relief.

I don't think the Unisom helped my nausea yesterday very much, but it did make me very tired and I slept most of the afternoon and into the night. I woke-up feeling hungry and mostly nausea-free. I took another Unisom this AM (half a tablet) and am feeling okay. Not completely nausea-free ... but I'm able to get up, move around, and eat. I ate some oatmeal in the morning, as well as some Cheerios. The only problem is is that it makes me sleepy. But at this point, I'll take sleepiness over feeling like dying. We'll see how long it works.

Ugh.

While I am excited at the outcome of being pregnant (a son or daughter) ... the whole "being pregnant" thing is harder than I imagined it to be! I've now had fairly consistent nausea for almost 4 weeks - and while it has lessened some, it is still there, making me feel tired, lethargic, and grumpy. I'm still drinking my ginger tea and taking my B6 - but it gets frustrating. Especially when all the images I had of pregnancy were of a glowing, healthy woman out walking every day, eating fresh vegetables, fruit, fish and other incredibly healthy meals. I'm still optimistic that I will get there in another few weeks. But currently I still have to talk myself into my 1 mile walk - and then it is more of a slow stroll I endure. I'm living off of crackers, bland carbs, and cheese. I try to eat vegetables - but sometimes just the sight of them makes me stomach turn. Oh, the irony.

It's a good wake-up call for me, however. I often like to imagine the "ideal" - and can be quite harsh on myself and others when that ideal falls short. So all in all, it is probably good that God is bringing me a little reality in my life. I will also be way more sympathetic toward other women when they complain of morning sickness, fatigue, etc. Before experiencing it myself, I would have waived it off as needing to have an attitude adjustment. And while I'm fully aware that attitude CAN affect health and physical outcomes - I can now attest that despite trying to have a positive attitude about it all, one can still just feel downright crappy!

I'm still holding onto the belief that my morning sickness will begin to ease during the next week or two (weeks 9 and 10 are supposed to be the "peak" ... and I'm midway through week 9 right now). I am imagining a wonderful honeymoon cruise with Kyle where I am free of morning sickness - with an appetite for all the good food on board!

We have our first official prenatal visit at Tripler this Monday. I am hoping to hear the fetal heartbeat and know that this will remind us of the miracle going on inside of me - even when it doesn't feel so miraculous on the outside!

9 Weeks

Here's what our little guy looks like at 9 Weeks (more or less, anyways)! He/she is about the size of a large grape or small strawberry. The eyes will close this week as eye-lids grow over them. They will then remain shut until after Week 20 sometime. The tail has disappeared and all his/her organs and muscles are now functioning. The muscles do not yet move voluntarily as the brain has not developed to that point yet.

8 Weeks Photo

B6 Deficiency & Birth Control Pills

Today I was reading about the benefits of B6 in alleviating morning sickness. More specifically, the article discussed how women suffering from B6 deficiencies are more prone to suffer nausea during pregnancy. Interestingly enough, birth control pills are known for hindering the absorption of several nutrients - including B6, B12, and folic acid. I can't help but wonder if my body was slightly deprived of proper amounts of B6 (having conceived while still on the pill). Because I've been on the pill for almost 5 years now - there is a good chance this may have been the case. 

I began adding B6 supplements (100 mg of P-5-P ... the most active form of B6) into my daily regimen about 6 days ago. Interestingly enough, my nausea symptoms greatly improved about 4 days ago. While correlation does not equal causation (especially in this case, when so many factors are at play), it is interesting none-the-less.

Bran Muffins

Today marks day 4 of my nausea lightening up ... hooray! I still have a slightly nauseous feeling throughout the day, and I can't do much physically or I do get nauseous ... but overall, I'm thrilled to be feeling human again! Yesterday I got it together enough to make a batch of Joy of Cooking Bran Muffins. Yum. Mom wanted the recipe a few days ago, so I read her the ingredient list. After that, I couldn't stop thinking about them for several days - so I finally decided to just make a batch myself. I think they will make a great pregnancy snack: bran and raisins (to help with constipation and keep things moving!), yogurt (for that much needed calcium), molasses (high in iron) and calorie dense (it's hard with nausea to get enough calories down each day!). 

Kyle and I watched the National Geographic Video "In the Womb" last night. It's a great hour and a half look at fetal development during the 9 months in the womb. They are able to use 3-D ultra sound images now to look inside the womb at the fetus, watching it's movements, facial expressions, etc. Quite amazing. Anyone interested in learning more about fetal development should definitely watch this video. Just beware there is a birth scene at the end which surprised Kyle (he isn't quite ready for that part, but I promised him he would be by July). =)

Dandelion Root & Wild Yam

Reading through "The Natural Pregnancy Book: Herbs Nutrition and Other Holistic Choices" today gave me a few more ideas on morning sickness cures. One is the use of Dandelion Root. It is a bitter that helps to promote digestion, helps to calm the stomach, and supports the liver. The recommended dose is 30-40 drops of tincture in water 3-4 times a day. 

The other suggestion is Wild Yam. It is supposed to reduce irritation in the hollow organs, including the stomach and uterus. The book recommends 30 drops of tincture 4-6 times a day. Rather than buying a tincture, however, I am going to use the Mannatech product Plus, which happens to be derived from Wild Yam (lucky me!). Since Mannatech produces excellent products, I feel very comfortable taking the pill form instead of the tincture. The recommended Mannatech dose is 3 tablets per day. I've taken them in the past and had my face break out with acne rather badly - but at this point, I'd rather have a nausea-free next few weeks with acne. =) We'll see if it helps. 

Slight Reprieve

Tuesday and today (Wednesday) have been somewhat improved nausea-wise. I desperately needed a day or two of feeling better! I'm not sure how long it will last ... some people online say that their nausea stopped after lasting only a week or two, others say that their nausea would get better or worse, depending on the day. I'm afraid to even think the thought that perhaps I'm at the end of the worst! Right now I'm just enjoying the break I'm getting.

I quit taking the concentrated ginger capsules (they seemed to give me a gassy stomach and I was constantly having to belch!) and instead started grating 1 tsp. of fresh ginger into tea every several hours. Kyle also bought me sea bands (for sea sickness). These are small bands that fit around each wrist and press on a pressure point on the inside of the wrist. I have no idea if they are working or not, but I'm feeling good enough that I'm afraid to take them off. I should note that I was actually feeling better before Kyle brought them home - but I'm willing to do whatever at this point to stay feeling better!

Week 8, day 1 today! This week there are plenty of changes going on down there baby-wise. He/she is now 14-20 mm long - the size of a large lima bean. Eye-lids will form this week, while the brain continues to mature and form neuron connections at an amazing rate. A nose is now present, and arms and legs are lengthening. There is likely still some webbing between the fingers and toes, but the webbing will begin to slowly dissolve over the next week or so. My uterus, once the size of a small pear, is now the size of a large grapefruit! No wonder I'm constantly feeling slight discomfort in the abdomen. That's a lot of growth going on! My waist is definitely getting a "thicker" feel to it - though it is likely all due to intestinal distention. This occurs because the bowels slow down the movement of food through them in order to take in more nutrients for the growing baby inside. This is partly why, especially during the first trimester, eating a lot of food is not as important. The body will take out more nutrients from what little you can put in your body than it would otherwise. Quite an amazing design!

Motivation!

I was reading an article online yesterday about a woman who couldn't get pregnant for quite a few years. She said she would always get upset when her friends would complain about morning sickness because she thought, "I'd do anything to have that feeling if it meant I was pregnant!" Well, she did get pregnant and DID get morning sickness, and she said she quickly changed her mind. She said there were days when she even prayed to miscarry so she could end her misery. I haven't reached that point yet - but there are moments I wonder if it will all really be worth it! (Everyone keeps assuring me it will.) 

I did get to the point today where I started Googling "Zofran" and other anti-nausea medications. I did some research via the Hopkins Library, however, and none of these medications have been proven safe or unsafe during pregnancy (they are considered "Category B" drugs, which mean tests on pregnant animals have shown no ill effects, but no conclusive tests have been done on humans). After feeling a little better in the afternoon, I realized I would endure.

I have also gotten to the point where I went out and bought a little jumper to look at to remind me to of the end goal. =) I pull it out of the closet during the day and think "In just 7 1/2 months there will be a little person filling these arms and legs." It helps.  

Dysgeusia (Metallic Taste)

I've had a weird metallic taste in my mouth the past few days. It is a bitter taste and won't go away, even if I drink or eat or brush my teeth. I thought it might have to do with the B6 vitamins I'm taking and Googled it to find out. Turns out that the metallic taste in my mouth (called "dysgeusia") is very common in the first trimester and is due to high hormone levels, in particular, the hormone estrogen. Apparently it lasts throughout the first trimester, then begins to disappear as the pregnancy hormones settle down the second trimester. Interesting! I'm like a case study for 1st trimester pregnancy symptoms. Ha!

Solutions: I read that 1 tsp. of salt in 8 oz. of water, OR 1/4 tsp. baking soda in 8 oz. of water can be used as a mouth rinse several times a day. Drinking/eating citrus foods such as lemon in water or lemon-drops may also help. We'll try them out today!

Nausea still here today. Rough night last night. Tossed and turned quite a bit. Hoping today will go better. I continue to Google images of the embryo growing inside of me to remind me that there is a baby spirit in there - and that all these hormones are helping him or her to grow into a human being! Here is an embryo at 7 Weeks:

Week 7 Photo

End of Week 7

Tomorrow will mark 7 Weeks, 6 days. Each day closer to the end of the first trimester brings me hope that my nausea will begin to lessen and I will get back to a normal life. I still have little to no energy and find it hard to do much other than sit or sleep due to nausea. Kyle and I went on a 1.6 mile walk yesterday to Manoa Falls. It felt good to get out and stretch my legs - even if I had to move in slow motion. My goal is to walk at least 1 mile every day, despite the nausea. I haven't gone for my walk yet today, but my nausea seems to improve slightly in the afternoon/evening, so I'm waiting until then to go.

I've really noticed a difference in my skin the last 2 weeks; I am much more prone to breaking out now. This doesn't really surprise me, however, as I always had breakouts during the week leading up to my period. Since all my hormones are extremely high right now, it makes sense. I've noticed a few other changes physically the past 2 weeks, as well. They are all subtle - but all indicate a normal, healthy level of pregnancy hormones. So no complaining! (Or at least, that's what I keep trying to tell myself.)

This AM I made the mistake of taking ginger and B6 on an empty stomach. Kyle came downstairs this morning to find me in tears due to the severity of my nausea (I still can't throw-up, though!). Kyle got me to eat something and I started feeling a lot better. I'm supposed to be eating fruits and vegetables - but to be honest, bland starchy foods is about all that tastes good right now. I do enjoy apples, but eating vegetables right now sounds terrible! I'm going to try and eat some this afternoon anyways. I also bought some rice cakes and have been eating those with cream cheese on them. So I'm getting the calories down. Taking a good vitamin is really important during the 1st trimester since the amount of nutrient dense foods I'm consuming is limited. Everything I've read states that the baby uses the body's reserves during the trimester anyways, so not to worry too much. That changes, however, in the 2nd and 3rd trimester where nutrition is most important.

Ginger Capsules & Candies

A new experiment: Ginger capsules (325 mg, I believe) and ginger candies (made with corn starch, sugar, and ginger). I'm taking the capsules 3 x daily, as recommended. I started at noon today. And I'm chewing the ginger candies throughout the day. I'm determined to at least minimize the nausea so I can lead a somewhat normal life for the next month! I'll let you know how it goes!

Emotional Breakdowns

Okay, it finally has happened ... the dreaded emotional breakdowns I kept reading about. Up until the last few days, I was feeling pretty good and stable. I was handling everything with a calm, clear mind, putting everything in perspective, and being grateful for all the blessings in my life. But then I started feeling nauseous ALL DAY LONG this past week ... and between the lack of sleep, the mental exhaustion of feeling sick all day, and the increasing hormones that continue to build-up in my body ... I finally broke down and just decided to feel sorry for myself. I got mad at Kyle for keeping me waiting at lunch and started crying. Then, that night, I started crying out of frustration from feeling lousy despite drinking a gallon of stupid ginger tea and eating little bits of food all day. I thought, I'm sick of being pregnant! I'm only having one child myself and adopting the rest! So I laid on the bed and cried for a while until I couldn't breathe through my nose. I decided I'd best compose myself. I started talking to God and my grandparents and eventually calmed down. I almost started crying when Dad called up to ask how I was doing (my response is always "the same"). And I DID cry again this afternoon when Kyle came home and asked how I was doing. He brought me roses, though, which was sweet and made me feel better.

I just get so frustrated, feeling so lousy. I hadn't done dishes in about 3 days (I finally mustered up the strength to do them this evening), I don't enjoy cooking or being in the kitchen at all (so Kyle has pretty much had to fend for himself this week), I don't have the energy to clean the house or do laundry (both of which need to get done) ... Ugh. I can definitely feel the hormones kicking in strong this week. I imagine my body will grow accustomed to them, though, and I won't feel like crying all the time. For now, it is just a day by day, hour by hour thing. But Kyle is a wonderful support - and I am grateful for his being so understanding and helpful. 

Sharing My Body with Another Soul

From time to time, the profundity of what being pregnant truly signifies hits me. Today, while talking with my mother-in-law, we started talking about how tired I was feeling all the time. And she responded, "Well, you are caring another soul inside of you right now. You are sharing your body with that person for the next 9 months! Of course you are tired!" I hadn't really thought of it like that before. I mean, I've always believed that we have a soul, and at some point during pregnancy, a new soul enters the fetus inside the womb. But I'd never really thought about what it means to carry another soul inside of me. What a beautiful thought. 

Week 6 Photo

Nausea, nausea, and more nausea

I foolishly told everyone that I was feeling great with no real signs of pregnancy during Week 5 and the beginning of Week 6. That changed this week. It started out with severe back-ache and stomach cramps - like I was going to start my period. That lasted about 3 days. Then I began having nausea - ALL DAY LONG. I haven't thrown-up yet (knock on wood) - but I do feel absolutely gross most of the day. I feel better when I lay down or sit ... which means I haven't been out to exercise much. I went on a short walk yesterday and today - but it definitely feels like slow motion. I'm trying several things to help with the nausea:

1. Eating smaller meals (crackers, bread, and other bland foods) throughout the day

2. Drinking ginger tea

3. Peppermint candies and teas

I find that all I really want to eat at this point is bland foods. I did make a BLT sandwich for lunch today and managed to eat the entire thing - but it didn't especially taste good going down. This is a hard adjustment for me since I was eating all vegetables and meat just a few weeks ago. I bought some dry crackers, as well as saltines, to keep with me in my purse and by my bed. I am steeping sliced-up ginger root in water and keeping it refrigerated so that I have easy access to ginger water throughout the day. I drank 4 big glasses of this today. It didn't really help the nausea - but I've heard that ginger must build up in the system to really work, so I'm determined to keep drinking it. I figure it can't hurt.

The biggest help so far appears to be the peppermint, though it is only a temporary solution. I bought some peppermint salt-water taffies today and they really soothed my stomach. Unfortunately these are not very healthy for me, and they did not soothe it for that long. But it was a nice relief. I ate a granola bar for dinner and tolerated that well. I also snacked on some home-made beef jerky. My stomach is feeling slightly better this evening - but I'm not sure if it is from eating these foods, or if it simply eases up toward night-time.

Tomorrow I am subbing at the the pre-school from 8:00 until 11:30. I am a little nervous how that will go since today all I had the energy to do was finish my beef jerky then go watch a movie and nap. Tomorrow will be a busy day, but I'm sure I'll make it through it. Being pregnant is quite the experience - and I'm learning I must be flexible with my body!

Week 6

Made it to Week 6! Everything I've read online supports that once the embryo has a viable heartbeat - chances of miscarriage are greatly reduced. The chances of miscarriage are then reduced even further once the embryo reaches the 12 Week mark. Last week marked what should have been our baby's first heartbeat. The heart starts out beating a mere 80 beats per minute, increasing to 140 this week (which it will sustain until birth). 

Some women can actually go in and get an ultra sound during week 6 and hear the beating heart. Trust me, if I could, I probably would. It's a good thing (I think) that I can't get into Tripler Army Hospital until December 14th. I'll be 10 Weeks along by then and the heartbeat should be easy to hear. Plus, the less ultra sounds done - the better. Some women choose not to have any done throughout their pregnancy ... but I know that hearing that viable heartbeat will make me feel a little more relaxed. I still don't have too many symptoms (other than occasional, and slight, nausea - along with some cramping in my abdomen and back) - so it doesn't FEEL like I'm pregnant. I still am having "food aversions" to a small degree. Nothing sounds good to eat and I have to force myself to finish each meal. But other than that, I would have no idea I was pregnant.

Week 6: Nose, mouth, and ears are beginning to take shape. Little buds are starting to protrude where the arms and legs will soon be. Intestines and lungs are in the very first stages of development. This week marks the time when the Y chromosome (if it's a boy) sends out chemical markers that trigger the cells to develop as a male, rather than a female. Brain, muscle, bones, and pituitary gland all continue forming.

A Beating Heart

The 17th will mark the beginning of the 6th week ... which means that the embryo should now have a heartbeat! It is hard for me to grasp that idea since it is so tiny that it is not detectable - even via a doppler or ultrasound. But it is beating away. 

I've always been a very pro-choice person when it comes to women making decisions about pregnancies. And I still am pro-choice. But being pregnant and actually carrying something inside of me (something with a heartbeat!) ... it is quite profound. And an array of thoughts and emotions I've never experienced flood my mind each day. The knowledge that, if all goes well for the next 7 1/2 months, this little "thing" will turn into a son or daughter - it has caused me to become attached at a very early stage. Even though I cannot feel it or see it or hear it (and even though it barely resembles anything human) - I am protective of it and it's potential. It's a wonderful, scary, and intriguing feeling. One I've never had before. 

Five Weeks, 2 Days

It's Official!

Kyle and I went in to the health clinic on base yesterday. They drew my blood and told us to return in an hour for the results. Because I'd already taken 3 home pregnancy tests, I basically knew what the result of the blood test would be - but there is something very final about an "official result" from a doctor's office. 

The doctor's office gave me a bunch of paperwork to fill out and read through. They also gave me the run-down on the list of do's and don'ts with I already knew from nursing school and self-study. I think our country is a little paranoid when it comes to making women stop drinking ALL coffee and ALL alcohol, and to stop eating ANY raw fish ... I still like the "all things in moderation" rule. But I figure better safe than sorry and will probably only have an occasional glass of wine or drink of beer (Christmas, a birthday, etc.). Since I only drink 1 cup of coffee a day anyways, I'm not really getting enough to do any harm. Interestingly enough, though, I'm beginning to lose my taste for it. Green and herbal teas are sounding much better - so I'll probably make the switch and see how it goes. Best to listen to the body ...

Other than the few stomach cramps and occasional back-aches, though, I really don't feel pregnant still. It's a weird thing.

Five Weeks and a Due Date

I haven't been in to see a doctor or midwife yet - so everything I've discovered has been based either on my own knowledge or pregnancy, or website that has pregnancy calculators. After the shock of discovering I was pregnant began to dissipate (ever so slowly ...) I became extremely curious as to what the due date would be and how far along I was. I knew my last menstrual period (LMP) was around October 6th. Which, according to various online calculators, puts me right at 5 weeks. It's a bit confusing how we discuss pregnancies in the United States. When we say "5 weeks" - that actually means your 6th week since your LMP (they count the first week as a "zero") and only 3 weeks since conception. Other countries would consider me to be at 3 weeks. But since we are in the United States and the doctors and midwives count from the LMP, I am currently 5 weeks pregnant. The due date can also be calculated based on LMP. According to the computer's calculations, I am due on July 13th (right around, anyways). I couldn't remember exactly if my LMP was on the 5th or 6th because it was our wedding week and everything got a bit crazy.

The pictures of a fetus at 5 weeks is quite startling. It is beginning to shape itself into a little semi-human-like form (more "semi-" at this point than "human").

Toward the end of this week, the fetus's heart

actually begin to beat. It will start off at around 80 beats per minute, then increase slowly over the next few weeks to 140-160. It already has bones, a nervous system, and muscles. Sometimes early skeletal development is even seen! The placenta and umbilical cord are in the early stages of development as well!

I still have no signs or symptoms of being pregnant, other than a slightly bloated feeling in my abdomen (which could very likely just be in my mind) - and of course that extra little blue line. I re-checked today ... just to be sure. Still there! Time to call a midwife and make an appointment!

It's all in a line ...

I've only taken a pregnancy test once or twice - usually only because I was being paranoid and had symptoms that just might possibly mean I was pregnant. But I'd just pee on the stick, see two straight blue lines (one in each window), heave a sigh of relief ... and usually get my period a day or two late. No big deal.

So this time didn't seem much different that the others. Kyle and I weren't trying to get pregnant, I was still on birth control pills, and I was beginning a new workout regime that was very intense. But this time, no pregnancy symptoms - just a late period. Probably because I've been working out a lot, I told myself. I felt great. If I were pregnant, wouldn't my breasts be tender, my stomach feel nauseous, and my emotions be all over the place? Since I was in Arizona visiting my parents for their surprise 60th birthday party (and because I didn't want to get my mother excited over nothing), I drove down to the grocery store solo, bought some groceries, and threw in the pregnancy test. Maybe at some level, I knew. Maybe my body knew, even though I didn't have any symptoms. I was a little nervous, but I mostly expected to see those two straight lines (one in each window) so I could heave my sigh of relief and get on with the weekend.

Instead, in the bathroom at Weber's IGA in Sedona, AZ - I picked up the stick and saw a faint, light-blue "plus" in the first window. I stared at it for a minute. It looked faint ... but ... no it was definitely there. I think I physically shook my head in disbelief before tossing it in the garbage can. I washed my hands, then tried to dig it back out of the garbage can for confirmation. It had fallen amidst a bunch of paper towels, though, and I couldn't find it. Had that extra blue line really been there? Yes, yes it had. I was pregnant. And the journey began.